EXPERIMENT : ST BUS RIDE

AIM: To use ST bus and reach LP,Nerul bus stop at the earliest.

APPARATUS: ur stupid self, a dilapidated ST bus.. (ha! if u find a non dilapidated one, i owe u a treat.)

PROCEDURE: 1. Wait at busstop n let 5 overflowing ST buses go by.
2. Lose hope,climb the 6th which is as full if not fuller.Enter the world of stinky
men/non men.
3. Stand like ur a wax model at Madam Tussads'.Try breathing.Buy ticket by
passing ur money to conductor thru 13 humans
infront/beside/behind/above/below/on u.
4. Enjoy the massage, let the sound of nuts n bolts n blowhorns rape ur ear
drums,allow creatures to squash each of ur 10 toes.Try breathing.
5. Incase the bus reaches and thereafter stops wherever u wanna get off,n
incase ur at 2cm distance from the door(the handle of which opens upwards
mind u!huh),get off.Breathe.

THEORY:ST buses can be divided broadly into dadar ones(ugly) n thane ones(uglier).thou
similar on the whole in terms of filth,overcrowdedness,fetor....the thane one's rattle a bit more n comprise of mainly the lower strata of indian civilization while the dadar one is for the elite..both leave u stewed nonetheless.Now, having experienced both kinds extensively,lemme share few happenings..I have had fisherwoman drop fish water all around me..even pple who relish fish can puke when subjected to such aroma therapy,,,n me veggie also!!Ok ,u want worse? How about armpits of millworkers who cant even spell 'AXE' leave alone use it!..Once there were these 60 something men holding on to many many cans of kerosene..(well it was one of those lucky days when i managed to rest my ass on 3x3 sq.inch green sweaty seat)..and as per routine the bus jerked and lo behold..no points for guessing...the kerosene was all over my corduroy..the women had only blank stares to offer for such courtesy.Yeah! and i hv babysitted too...gawd!someone educate these pple abt contraceptives! Women tag along wit more kiddos (they come in all sizes) than fingers in their hand.and the baby on my lap made sure it strangled me wit the many chains i adorned..smartass!I hv had the privilege to sit in the cockpit,i.e the noisiest, sootiest area in the bus.By the end of it i was a deaf african.Haan , and more often than not, u can see the bumpy roads ur travelling on cos the bus ought to hv holes in its base,(lets say for ventilation),to live up to its name.All said n done, kudos to these ST drivers,,,valor they possess i tell u,,,they are like men walking into a battlefield..gosh they wont stop even to mend a puncture! they'll drag their red n yellow injured pony n even whip it if need be !Whatever the holy mess,be it a bandh, a dirty accident, floods...Mr.ST bus wil wade thru wit unabated enthusiasm..(see i hv resorted to giving it human status also.so much for slick n cheap transportation.)

CONCLUSION: To have experiences to die for...or actually die....use ST my dears..if not anything else..atleast it wil give u a reality check.(reach ur destination u will ..without doubt..but wit a twist..watever kind ..hehawhaw